i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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