i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
