9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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