I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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