I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
