Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
