Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
