just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
