Betty ford says i'm here all night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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