i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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