Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
