I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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