I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
