dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
