Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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