she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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