I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
