dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
