I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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