Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
