Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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