I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
