So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
