Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
