I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
