So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
