By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
