nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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