We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
