I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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