some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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