forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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