The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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