We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
