I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
