i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
