So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
