I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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