I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
