Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
