Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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