If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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