Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
