I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
