If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize