hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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