She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
