Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
