I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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