Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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