Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
