Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
