Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
