I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
