I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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