what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
