You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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