Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
vagina is talking i cant
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
