i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
