Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
