I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
