dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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