I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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