i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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