HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
