I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
