addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
