Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
